So What Are You Driving?
OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:
You're listening to ASK ME ANOTHER, putting puzzles to people since 2012. I'm your host, Ophira Eisenberg, and with me is puzzler extraordinaire, John Chaneski.
JOHN CHANESKI: Oh hi everybody. I don't know about extraordinaire; I'm just ordinaire.
CHANESKI: I'm just an ordinaire puzzler, that's all.
EISENBERG: No, no. I know this is how the puzzlers talk to each other, but I'm giving you an extraordinaire.
CHANESKI: Oh thank you. You're so sweet.
EISENBERG: You're welcome. And up next on ASK ME ANOTHER, our two new contestants. We have Adam Robbins.
ADAM ROBBINS: Hello.
EISENBERG: And Drew Mikluscak
DREW MIKLUSCAK: Mikluscak, yes, you did that well.
EISENBERG: I did that well?
JONATHAN COULTON: What kind of name is that?
EISENBERG: Thank you Drew. I like that.
MIKLUSCAK: Better than most of the teachers I ever had.
EISENBERG: I was told that you'd like, since you're on ASK ME ANOTHER and we are a trivia show, that you would like to come clean about something that happened in a Trivial Pursuit game back in, what, 1998 or something?
MIKLUSCAK: Around 1989 I was on a trip with some family and friends, and we were playing Trivial Pursuit on teams, and I was on a team with my dad and my friend Trisha. And the correct answer to the question was "North by North-West," the Alfred Hitchcock film.
MIKLUSCAK: And when the answer was revealed, we had gotten it wrong, we had guessed incorrectly, and I made a big deal and I even cried. And said that I had said "North by North-West" suggested the answer.
EISENBERG: But they didn't listen to you.
MIKLUSCAK: When in fact I had not ever said it at all. I completely made it up. Anyway, I just wanted to come clean, apologize mostly to my dad and my friend Trisha, and really everybody involved because I was, it was bad.
EISENBERG: Can we absolve him?
ART CHUNG: Can we absolve him? Do we have it within our power to absolve him of that puzzle related moment?
COULTON: Yeah, sure, I think that's within our power.
EISENBERG: Yes, of course.
COULTON: Yeah, you're hereby - you're hereby absolved, Drew.
MIKLUSCAK: Thank you so much. Thank you everyone.
EISENBERG: Adam Robbins.
ROBBINS: Hey there.
EISENBERG: How are you?
ROBBINS: I'm well. And you?
EISENBERG: I believe you're a musician, huh?
ROBBINS: Yeah, yeah.
EISENBERG: What do you play?
ROBBINS: Weekend guitarist.
EISENBERG: And during the week.
ROBBINS: Bar tender.
EISENBERG: Nice, excellent.
ROBBINS: I'm a drug - drug dealer really. It's like what that is.
EISENBERG: I'm not sure with what that is but I do know guitar player.
ROBBINS: Thank you.
EISENBERG: Are you dinging in? Drew...
MIKLUSCAK: Correct. Judges?
EISENBERG: Drew and Adam.
MIKLUSCAK: I was just approving of the drug dealer.
MIKLUSCAK: See me after the show.
EISENBERG: Do you guys travel together? Or... do you know each other?
MIKLUSCAK: Well - well, all right, we have something to reveal. Totally random but there's a blood relation here.
ROBBINS: Loss of the draw.
MIKLUSCAK: Stakes are high.
MIKLUSCAK: Maternal cousins.
EISENBERG: No way.
ROBBINS: For real. Totally random, totally random.
MIKLUSCAK: So I don't know if we just have to end the show, cut, everybody has to go home now.
EISENBERG: No. Now that we know that the family's honor is at stake, this is going to be fantastic.
EISENBERG: So this is a game that we're calling, So What Are You Driving? John, you know what I do to decide what car I will have?
CHANESKI: What do you do?
EISENBERG: I first look for which brands have racing stripes.
CHANESKI: Of course. That makes the car go faster.
EISENBERG: Really fast, I like that. And then I look for celebrity endorsements of course.
CHANESKI: It seems that for some celebrities they were born to drive certain cars. I'm not talking about how the car looks or drives, but because of its name. For example, I heard this celebrity endorsement the other day.
You might know me as actor Christopher Lambert, but I am secretly the immortal warrior Connor MacLeod. I carry around a huge sword in case other immortals try to cut off my head and steal my power. So I need an affordable mid size SUV. There can be only one. Yeah Adam, you want to go for it?
ROBBINS: Toyota Highlander.
CHANESKI: The Highlander, yes. So. I believe you understand the concept of the puzzle.
ROBBINS: If I've learned one thing so far, it's ring early.
CHANESKI: That's good!
I'm gonna read you made up celebrity endorsements. You tell us the model of the car the celebrity would drive. Whoever gets more right, moves on to our Ask Me One More final round. Here's the first one.
Hi, I'm Tiger Woods. I've been keeping a low profile these days so I'm not tooling around in a fancy Mercedes or Ferrari. I like a small family car that helps me keep my mind on my business. So I drive a Volkswagen... Adam?
ROBBINS: Volkswagen Golf?
CHANESKI: Yes, a Volkswagen Golf.
CHANESKI: And we're off. Hello, I'm Harry Houdini. Even death could not hold me and I'm...
MIKLUSCAK: Ford Escape?
CHANESKI: Yes, a Ford Escape.
CHANESKI: Very nice, Drew.
MIKLUSCAK: OK, that is the car that I drive. Jesus!
ROBBINS: He drives it for real, for real.
EISENBERG: Sometimes it's too close to you though.
ROBBINS: Parked out front.
EISENBERG: Sometimes it's too close.
MIKLUSCAK: Adding insult to injury, yes.
CHANESKI: Here's the next.
MIKLUSCAK: Grandma's going to hear about this.
CHANESKI: Yo, Keanu Reeves dude. I know kung fu, ju jitsu and karate, but I still need a way to get around, both inside the computer-generated fantasy world and out of it. Whoa, my Toyota hatchback is perfect. It's...
MIKLUSCAK: Toyota Matrix.
CHANESKI: Yes, a Matrix.
That's right. Good going, Drew. That's one - another one for Drew.
EISENBERG: I would have guessed a Dodge Dude. That'd be an awesome car.
CHANESKI: The Dodge Dude, yes.
MIKLUSCAK: The Whoa.
CHANESKI: Howdy. I'm 9-time world champion rodeo cowboy Trevor Brazile. When I drive around town I like an SUV that has all the kick of an untamed horse. So I drive a 1995 Ford...
CHANESKI: Drew, yes, a Bronco.
CHANESKI: Listen up. Buona sera. Sonno Marco Polo. Travel is sort of my thing so these days, while I cannot make a trip from Atlanta to Las Vegas using a long line of camels, I do the next best thing. Adam?
ROBBINS: Dodge Caravan.
CHANESKI: Yes, a Caravan, yes. Nice. Hi, I'm Homer. You might wonder what a blind poet from the 12th century BC would need with a car. But trust me. I have a lot of friends. Adam?
ROBBINS: The Odyssey.
CHANESKI: The Odyssey, yes. The Honda Odyssey.
CHANESKI: We are tied up and we have to go a tie breaker. Mr. Coulton, will you take it please?
COULTON: This is very exciting. OK, I'm going to do a little celebrity impersonation here. Hey, hey, Dennis Rodman here.
CHANESKI: It's good, that's good.
COULTON: Did you know I was born on May 13 and I believe in astrology? I like to drive a car that keeps me thinking of my Zodiac sign and the team I won three NBA championships with. It's a Ford...
CHANESKI: Drew has got it with a Ford Taurus. Nice! Way to go.
EISENBERG: Drew, you have done it. You are the winning cousin this time and you'll be moving on to our Ask Me One More Final elimination round at the end of the show. Adam, it was so close.
ROBBINS: Yeah, thanks.
EISENBERG: Fantastic guest once again.
ROBBINS: Appreciate it.
Great impressions, John.
CHANESKI: Thank you.
EISENBERG: Great impressions. Can you give us and the audience a clue as to who our mystery guest is? Our final clue.
CHANESKI: Sure. Here's a quiz for you. What do these songs have in common? Black-eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow", T-Pain's "Buy You a Drank", and Cher's "Believe"? Now take that answer and add it to Joe Biden, Newt Gingrich and Katie Couric, just like our mystery guests did.
EISENBERG: Ah, excellent. All right. Thank you John.
CHANESKI: My pleasure. Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.