Several years ago, my best friend and I crafted a hypothetical movie in our heads, beginning from the advertising campaign. It featured Ashton Kutcher, shrugging extravagantly with his palms helplessly upturned. He was surrounded by, say, eight angry-looking actresses, some with their faces twisted as they yelled at him, some with their hands sternly on their hips, some facing away from him with their arms crossed.
It was called The Impregnator.
The way we imagined it would go, he would be confronted by a large army of women claiming that he was the father of their children. And then somehow (details to be determined!), it would turn out that he was actually not the father of any of them, save one: the adorable moppet of the only woman he had ever really loved — the one who got away. The one who had never told him. The one with whom he could truly be happy.
Roll credits, probably accompanied by Michael Buble. WRITE US A CHECK, HOLLYWOOD!
Anyhoo, in 2011, a few years after we had this conversation, there was a Canadian film called Starbuck that had some similarities to The Impregnator: a guy discovered years after acting as a sperm donor that he was the biological father of over 500 children.
Now, that's being remade with — and here's the genius part — Vince Vaughn where we had once seen Ashton Kutcher. On the one hand, that's a different way to go, but on the other ... six of one, right? This one is called Delivery Man (GET IT?), and there's a teaser trailer.
And here's the funny thing: perhaps it has an unfair advantage because it stars the wonderful Chris Pratt, one of my favorite comic actors. But I laughed.
Delivery Man is scheduled for release on November 22, 2013.